Wednesday, June 14, 2006

French Thoughts Part 1

I know the fans were just dying to hear all the details about France. I have one day in town before I leave for LA, so I thought this was my chance to finally post. So here are some of my observations:

1. The French are short. I believe they are bred this way. They make people like Pepin the Short (seriously, his wife's unfortunate name was Bertha the Big-Footed) king and then a tall king Charles (the whatever) is killed when he is too tall (seriously, he hit his head on a low doorway and died from the concussion). I believe there is a purpose to all of this. Keep them small and then you can shove more in the country. Everything is small and crowded (or "quaint"). Sinks can be five inches wide and shoved into a corner. Toilets can be in a closet. Showers can be so small that you literally can not bend down in them (this also solves the age old question as to why European women don't shave their legs- they can not reach them in the shower). On the bright side, this is very environmentally friendly. Their ingenious use of space means they simply do more with less and there is little waste. This is something we could learn from. That does not mean I am giving up my full size tub any time soon.

2. The French know their architecture and art. Everywhere we went, everything was beautiful. One of their train stations was so beautiful, they turned it into a museum. To the right is the view from my hotel's bathroom. I think Americans are too utilitarian. We think everything should be functional and comfortable. I don't think that cathedrals are probably very comfortable (and frankly all that functional- they are huge and incredibly expensive and don't hold that many congregants, although they apparently were also a shelter if the town was on fire which is quite functional) but they are jaw droppingly beautiful.

3. They don't call it French kissing for nothing. Now I do not have any first hand experience to prove that all the French are these amazing romantics, but I certainly saw a lot. They are not shy. Couples were everywhere (to be fair one of the days I was in Paris was a holiday so everyone was out having picnics, sitting at fountains etc. which seems to just beg for a little makin' out). Maybe it's because their TVs have only five or so channels (at least in the hotels)- there's nothing else to do! Nudity is not embarassing, (although it is not as my cousin asked me, true that every Saturday all French women go topless) and some of their ads seem to be much more graphic than necessary (does your ad for lipstick have to have a naked butt?). I am standing next to Rodin's sculpture "The Kiss." I think we can all agree. That's quite a kiss.

4. They love bread. Every breakfast without fail, a baguette and a croissant. This just disproved Atkins, because I saw virtually no fat French people. And for the record, I lost weight there.

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